Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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