I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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