i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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