you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
