Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
