and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
