I didn't shave. On purpose
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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