I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
