a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Maybe he injected his testicle?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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