Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
