I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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