3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
