Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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