I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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