I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
