is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
love makes seman taste better
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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