he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
