Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
