I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
