Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
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besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
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Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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