I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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