I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
