If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
