im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
