Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
