she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
