Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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