why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
