Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
