Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize