I'm jealous of your bromance
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
