Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
