Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
North Korea, Best Korea!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
