i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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