So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
