Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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