I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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