Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
