For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
