Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize