I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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