What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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