White coat. Heels.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
