ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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