I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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