1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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