Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
