dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
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Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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