Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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