could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
