Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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