No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
