Sponge bath it is.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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