So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
