yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
