Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
