I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
