I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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