I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
