So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
