Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
