in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
