FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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