dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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