I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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